zzzzzzzzzzip!

i was 25
married only 7 months
just moved to san francisco
and been in a new job
for only a month
when my spouse began
staying out late
not calling
leaving me lonely
and scared

when those two feelings combine,
i end up making bad choices,
doing stupid things

so what does a newly
married young woman do
when she's freaked out about things?
she tries on her wedding dress
of course
and she tries it on without first
putting on the corsetted
strapless lace bra that goes with it...
the dress feels completley different
against bare breasts
it feels delicious and sexy

here's a glimpse of the scene
that may someday be in a movie...

to zip up the long, long zipper
in the back, i have to maneuver
in a way that shifts my breasts
upward into the right place
above the tightly fitting bodice
(which is what the bra is designed to do)
i bend over until my head
is by my knees, everything
falls into place, and then
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzip!

i turn to look at myself
in the full length mirror and
smile, remembering the gorgeous
autumn day i was wed, and
how hundreds of orange monarch butterflies
flitted around against the too blue
sky as if we were in some
kind of impossibly perfect
disney movie where the birds
start singing some happy song
in syrupy harmony

so i'm feeling all these happy feelings
i'm dancing around the living room
twirling and giddy, forgetting
all my sadness, swirling in the joy
of my memories, lost in my illusions
for i don't know how long
when i realize, it's dark, it's late,
he's still not home...
time to face the real music
extract myself from my dress
and my fairytale

i reach around to find
the zipper, and in a hurry
pull the tab, it goes
zzzzzzz and then stops
it's caught on some lace right
in the middle of my back
and it won't budge either
way, no matter how hard
i pull or twist or cajole it...
i'm stuck in my wedding dress
with no one to help me.
nobody. no friends, no family,
don't really know any neighbors
except our landlord's
young, shy single handyman
who lives next door
there is no way
i'm going to ask him for help

hours pass, i'm desperate
to get to sleep so i can go
to work in the morning
i've tried everything...
bent a wire hanger to try and
hook it through the tab, turned
upside down and exhaled fully
trying to pull the dress off over my head
i wriggle every way i can, but my
breasts won't fit through
the skin tight bodice... i finally give in...
i peak out my window and see
the light on next door, i make
the call, cliff answers, i explain
my predicament and hear
nothing but silence from the
other end of the phone.
it occurs to me that he may
think i am trying to seduce him
because he hasn't known me
long enough to know this is
exactly the kind of stupid situation
i frequently find myself in

he finally agrees to come over

in the living room, with the
bay windows overlooking the
twinkling lights of the mission district
glittering against the dark blue bay
i am standing perfectly still
while cliff behind me works
patiently, methodically on
the zipper... i'm lucky he's
a handyman, is good with
his hands and can figure
this zipper problem out...
i feel it finally move and my relief
is suddenly replaced by utter
embarrassment realizing,
as he unzips me,
that he will see i'm naked
beneath the dress
i can feel his hands tremble
when the zipper reaches
the small of my back
and he quickly backs away
mumbles something and stumbles
as he flies out the door

i never got a chance to thank him